[ Amilyn Holdo has known many people who walked away from the war. Wars. People who wanted no part of it for a variety of reasons: fear, heartsickness, exhaustion. She never imagined that the boy Ben Solo would be one of them—nor did she imagine that Snoke's feared apprentice would, either.
Of course, knowing now that they're the same man and the fact of being in Riverview changes the equations completely, doesn't it? ]
Some people might call that giving up.
[ Though it's clear from the way she says it that she doesn't necessarily think that herself. ]
[ His eyes narrow at what some people might say, though he knows it's true. He's a monster if he remains with the First Order, a traitor if he joins the Resistance, and a coward if he leaves all of it behind.
It's almost funny, how much the words he's spat at FN-2187 are a reflection of his own bind now. And though he'll never admit it to anyone, Ren knows that at least some of his wrath towards the former stormtrooper was born from... envy. Plain, simple jealousy. ]
This is an opportunity to... [ There's a note of hesitation as he draws in a breath. Out with it now. ] Make my own path.
[ The opportunity Ben Solo should have had. To be nobody, after a lifetime of having others define him-- not because of who he is, but because of his blood and his power-- it's intoxicating. A freedom he's never known before he came to this moon.
He's almost free, anyway. ]
Given the option, you would go back, wouldn't you? [ The way he says it, it's hardly a question. ]
[ It stings, whether he meant it to or not—that reminder that she doesn't have the choice to return. She doesn't flinch, but her gaze drops to her hands for a moment. ]
Yes. But ... what I would have to return to is simpler in a way than what you have, isn't it?
[ Because Amilyn Holdo knows who she is, is comfortable in her skin, and knows what she stands for. She always has, and in that, she's been lucky. And she knows it. ]
What path do you think you'll be able to make here?
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Date: 2018-03-25 02:54 am (UTC)Of course, knowing now that they're the same man and the fact of being in Riverview changes the equations completely, doesn't it? ]
Some people might call that giving up.
[ Though it's clear from the way she says it that she doesn't necessarily think that herself. ]
Or running away.
[ Though as she says it, she recalls a piece of advice she gave to Poe Dameron. ]
But there can be all kinds of reasons for retreat, and not all of them are bad.
[ She does wonder a little at her own evenness, right now. Maybe it's just surprise at the whole situation that's keeping her calm, in a way. ]
no subject
Date: 2018-03-26 08:06 pm (UTC)It's almost funny, how much the words he's spat at FN-2187 are a reflection of his own bind now. And though he'll never admit it to anyone, Ren knows that at least some of his wrath towards the former stormtrooper was born from... envy. Plain, simple jealousy. ]
This is an opportunity to... [ There's a note of hesitation as he draws in a breath. Out with it now. ] Make my own path.
[ The opportunity Ben Solo should have had. To be nobody, after a lifetime of having others define him-- not because of who he is, but because of his blood and his power-- it's intoxicating. A freedom he's never known before he came to this moon.
He's almost free, anyway. ]
Given the option, you would go back, wouldn't you? [ The way he says it, it's hardly a question. ]
no subject
Date: 2018-03-29 08:48 pm (UTC)Yes. But ... what I would have to return to is simpler in a way than what you have, isn't it?
[ Because Amilyn Holdo knows who she is, is comfortable in her skin, and knows what she stands for. She always has, and in that, she's been lucky. And she knows it. ]
What path do you think you'll be able to make here?