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[protectingthelight]

This is Amilyn Holdo's message box. Please leave a message.

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[volitaunt]

[ His own silence stretches, too.

Poe has to put his comm down. He should mute it, he should hang up, but as it is he barely makes it to their room's small 'fresher before he collapses over the toilet and throws up. ]

[protectingthelight]

[ Amilyn hears it, and on her end all she can do is bury her face in her hands. Second-guessing herself. Maybe she shouldn't have told him. But in his present mood, as best as she can read it, he'd have persisted, no matter what she had to say, and lying to him would have never been an option. ]

[ She sits and waits, feeling queasy herself. ]

[volitaunt]

[ There's more retching, even though he's got nothing left to bring up. It takes a minute for him to come back. His voice is rough from puking, faint with the presence of death. ]

That's why you called me captain.

[protectingthelight]

She demoted you, almost the moment you got back aboard the Raddus.

[ No need to say who she is. Amilyn's tone is still matter-of-fact, still in that debrief mode, but softer now, shaded with compassion. ]

[volitaunt]

[ Silence, again. ]

She should have done worse.

[ What else could she have done? The New Republic is gone. The Resistance's command structure is already in pieces. His place is closer to the top than he ever expected to be. Was. And they can't afford him out of the cockpit. It's not ego, that thought, not right now. Not when he just learned how few fighters they have left.

Dully: ] Thank you.

[protectingthelight]

[ She can't disagree with that assessment. Nor did she disagree with Leia's reasoning, which was exactly what Poe recognizes. They couldn't spare a single person, not even a hothead.

Don't thank me, she almost says. ]

I'm sorry you had to find out. Like this.

[volitaunt]

[ What can he say to that? Thank you, again, like he can feel any real gratitude for any of this? ]

I understand why you didn't want me to.

[ It's a twisted, reverse kind of I-told-you-so. It's better at least than a thank you. ]

[protectingthelight]

[ There is absolutely nothing in any kind of etiquette book or briefing for this kind of situation. Best Amilyn can do is stick to the script that she would use with someone after any military disaster. ]

You should ...

[ Keep yourself busy, she almost says, but that sounds bad in her head before it even forms itself into spoken words. She pauses, then: ]

How can I help you now, Dameron? Even if it's just to let you be for now, I'll do what I can.

[volitaunt]

[ He's not sure how to answer her. He doesn't know what he needs, doesn't even know what he wants. ]

Thank you. [ He hears how shocky his voice sounds and clears his throat. ] I think-- I think I need to think.

[protectingthelight]

Of course.

[ A pause. ]

I'm here. If you want. If you need.